review of Feminism by Deborah Cameron

This is an introduction to feminist theory and shows both sides of the debate. There is one chapter, Sex, that is of interest to me. She confirms that many of the earliest feminists had negative attitudes towards sexual desire.

“Historians of the first wave generally agree that feminist discussions of sex in the nineteenth and early twentieth centuries were dominated by the impulse to protect women from sexual danger and to reform ‘the beast in man’ (though there were some feminists who contested this, campaigning for women’s access to birth control, abortion, sex education and the freedom to have sex outside marriage).”

The second wave was more positive about sexuality. There were though feminist ‘sex wars’ in the 1980s.

Pornography is said to influence women to behave in ways that they don’t truly enjoy. For example, a woman posting anonymously on Twitter stated that male sexual partners had criticised her for refusing to participate in group sex.

This seems very odd to me. I have never participated in group sex, neither would I want to. I know that group sex is common in pornography but that hasn’t made me feel that it is common in reality. Very few people have done it or would want to do it. I would estimate that less than 1% of the population have tried it. So why would anyone get the idea that only a prude would not want to participate in it? It seems to me that she should have chosen her sexual partners more carefully, either choosing men who are more intelligent or less selfish.

Sex work and the Nordic model are discussed. According to Cameron there are two reasons why some people want the Nordic model. One reason is that ‘the existence of a market where men can buy sexual consent both reflects and reinforces the inequality between the sexes’.

This argument has never made much sense to me. For it to make sense you would have to show that sex is different from other pleasures in life. I haven’t seen a convincing argument for that. For many people it is different. If you have a fear and disgust of basic human sexuality you will feel that, especially if you have chosen celibacy. Most people don’t feel that way though. We all buy other people’s consent every day.

The other reason is that ‘sex should be an exchange based on mutual desire’. I don’t believe that’s the real reason. I rarely hear that argument. It doesn’t make much sense anyway. If I go on a minibus trip to the Lake District I would enjoy it as would the other passengers. The driver might not. As long as he or she is not exploited and has chosen this way of making money I am happy with that.

If I pay for sex, I will enjoy the sex and she will enjoy the money. As long as we both get what we want then we will both be happy.

The more usual stated reason for wanting the Nordic model is that the welfare of women will be improved. We all want the welfare of women to be improved but only some of us are willing to look at the facts of the matter. Does the Nordic model decrease demand? Do women continue to be arrested? Are they helped to leave if they choose? It’s not so difficult to find the facts if you really want them and you are not gullible.

The real reason why some people want the Nordic model is because they hate men like me. I am the type of man that some women think they have a right to hate. They think that the Nordic model will make life more difficult for men like me, and they don’t care how many women are harmed in the process.

They can’t even get that right. Any sane sober man can avoid detection in Nordic model countries. They will only ever get a fine anyway, unlike the young women who are sent to prison for ‘brothel-keeping’. Not all punters are the same. Some are happy to negotiate with a pimp. Others, like me, prefer to negotiate with the sex worker herself. A woman should not be told ‘If you work here you have to do oral sex without a condom’. She should be able to decide for herself, and I have always been happy to comply with her choices.

Cameron states that the Nordic model decriminalises women. It doesn’t. She writes that it is intended to decrease demand. It doesn’t. Neither is much money spent to help women exit.

We should all agree that sex workers should not be arrested and resources should be allocated to help women and men to exit if they so choose. So why can’t we just do that? Evangelicals like Jim Wells, nuns like the ones who founded Ruhama and Radical Feminists like Julie Bindel would never agree. They would say that we can’t have these unless we also criminalise men who pay for sex. Not only does that not make sense, they are insincere. They don’t care about the women.

Cameron states the advantages of decriminalisation.

“They could set up small businesses or co-operatives with other women, instead of depending on the pimps and organised criminals who are powerful players in the illegal trade.”

On the other side of the argument, women risk being assaulted or killed. No sex workers have been killed in Soho since the 1940s, they are never alone in the flat with a customer.

Germany is not a good place for sex workers, the Netherlands is OK, and things are good in New Zealand. Sex workers can be arrested in Germany and the Netherlands but not in New Zealand. In New Zealand workers reap the financial rewards, not ‘wealthy investors and entrepreneurs’.

The last part of this chapter is all to do with heterosexual sex being ‘inherently problematic’ even when it has nothing to do with prostitution. Some feminists choose celibacy. They don’t think women should be having sex with men. So obviously they think women shouldn’t be having sex with me, whether I pay them or not.

Other feminists choose lesbianism. I was aware of the views of Catharine A MacKinnon and Andrea Dworkin. Also more recent authors such as Sheila Jeffreys and Julie Bindel. Deborah Cameron mentions two other authors who espoused lesbianism, Monique Wittig and Adrienne Rich.

my trip to London

A couple of years ago I had a day trip to London. I wrote about that. On Monday I went to London again only this time I had booked a hotel. So I had three days and two nights in London. I saw a few women in Soho and I will tell you about five of them.

Tamara of 52 Greek Street

I had done my research and I knew that Tamara seems to be the most popular girl in Soho at the moment. Obviously I wanted to see her. She is Indian and I found her incredibly attractive. She told me she is twenty five years old. She is superfriendly and it was one of my best experiences. She has dark skin and black hair. Medium height. I had taken a viagra and was able to shag her. I didn't manage to orgasm but then I wasn't expecting to. I had only paid £30 which is the minimum and gets you only ten minutes.

Sabrina of 8 Greek Street

Sabrina is completely different from Tamara. A lot older for a start and bigger. I've had a fascination with Sabrina for years. There's something very earthy about Sabrina. Many years ago I was in the room below hers and I heard her bedsprings going. Someone was giving her a good seeing to. I wanted to do that too. So on Monday I did. I used to think that Sabrina was plain. In the room though I realised she is attractive. She is friendly too.

Sonia of 4 Lisle Street

I've had photos of Sonia for years and I thought she's very nice looking. I sat with the maid for a while then this beautiful young woman walked in. It took me a while because she looks older in the photos then I said to her "I've seen your photo. On the internet". She was surprised and wanted to know where. Her maid said other men have said they've seen photos of her.

Her face reminds me of Kelly Brook and maybe Lucy Montgomery. She's that pretty, with bright eyes. There was something about her that put me off though. Unlike with Tamara and Sabrina I found it difficult to get an erection. Someone on the internet said that if she likes you, you will have a nice time with her. If she doesn't like you, you won't.

Sonia

my own photo - you can see it is the same room by the mirror tiles

Adele of Greens Court

I saw an ordinary Romanian girl called Adele. She's pretty enough and friendly. Not only was I able to get an erection and shag her but I ejaculated too. So ended my first day in London.

The next day I tried to see Tamara again. I went back to the walk down several times but each time there were two men waiting for her. The last time there was a man on the stairs too. The maid came up the stairs and said that the same man keeps rebooking her. I said can I come back 11 am tomorrow. She said it won't be Tamara then, it will be Adele. I asked if this is the Romanian girl and she said yes.

When I went back to Greek Street the next morning I could see Sabrina and another woman sitting outside the cafe opposite number 8. It got past 11 am but the door to 52 remained closed.

Carole of 8 Greek Street

She was a big plain Brazilian woman. About 40. Just what I needed though and within the ten minutes I ejaculated while on top of her. When I left it was just before midday but the door of number 52 was still closed.

doorbells at 8 Greek Street

statistics from Sweden

I have found more statistics that show that the Nordic model in Sweden is failing. I have put all the relevant information from surveys in Sweden on this page. I hadn't realised that there was a survey in 2017. I knew about the surveys in 1996, 2008, 2011 and 2014.

In 1999 Sweden introduced a law (the 'Nordic model') that criminalises men who pay for sex. We have statistics from before and after the law about the proportion of Swedish men who pay and the proportion of Swedish women who are paid for sex. There were many more women who stated in the 2017 survey that they had been paid for sex than in any of the other surveys. In 2017 it was 1.5%. In 1996 it was 0.3%.

younger woman

Since my last post I have been back to Wales a few times and seen new women. I have seen Samantha at Dollys in Queensferry and Brooke and Jade at Temptations in Flint. Samantha is an old woman but nice. Brooke and Jade are younger and tried hard to make me happy.

Each of these I have seen once. I have told you about Naomi and Leila at Temptations and Candy at Dollys. I have seen these three several times throughout the summer and autumn. I liked them all. I also saw Nicole once at Temptations.

I don't think I will be going back to Wales though. Something happened to me recently. I phoned Rock Ferry Thai Massage and was told that they have two new young women working there. I wanted to see them, usually they have older women there.

I had a choice of two young women when I went there on Friday. The one I chose was called Soda, or something like that. In the room I asked her how old she is. She said twenty eight and asked me how old I thought she looked. I said eighteen. If she had told me she was eighteen I would have believed her.

Soda has a pretty face and a lovely figure with medium size breasts. Her hair is dark brown and she has a couple of small tattoos on her legs. She is of medium height.

I used to think that my ideal woman is about 40 and a bit plump. That was before I met Soda. I think she is every man's dream. She is my dream now too.

Some people will say that when a man visits a sex worker he has preconceptions about he will like. These preconceptions may come from pornography. He may select the sort of woman that he has seen in porn and want to perform particular acts.

That may be true of many men but not with me. There are many young women in porn of course but older women too. Slender women and also plumper. In the room with Soda any preconceptions I had were changed. I didn't think I would enjoy being with a younger woman but being with Soda changed that.

I enjoyed my half hour with Soda so much that I came back the next day and paid £100 for an hour with her. It had to be yesterday because she will be working in Blackpool next week. It will be at 23 Cookson Street.

My first time with Soda I had no problem getting an erection. She let me use one of my thin condoms and I came quite quickly. That is because I found her so attractive. After I came it didn't take long before I got an erection again. She told me that if I had stayed for an hour I could have come twice.

So yesterday I had sex with her again, had an orgasm, then got another erection soon after. I shagged her again but wasn't able to come a second time. That's not surprising - I have never had two orgasms within one hour, not even when I was young.

We did a wider range of things yesterday. She has two sex toys. One of them is a clitoral stimulator. The other seems to be like the lovense toy. It has something resembling a flower at one end and she held it against her pussy. She was really enjoying it and had an orgasm. Some of the time I had two fingers in her vagina.

I would call her an enthusiastic amateur. She told me she lives in the south of England but has come up north to work with her friend. She doesn't usually do anything except massage and she said she will return to that.

Yesterday she was tired and hungry. She said that she had been with her friend to a casino in Blackpool the night before. She told me it was good, she had won some money. I hope that things work out for her. I wish I had met someone like her when I was eighteen.

seen in window of new Thai massage place in Chester

sexy Wales

For a lot of the summer I was going to Wales every Tuesday. I went to a brothel in Flint called Temptations where I saw Naomi. She told me that her usual day is Tuesday. She's very nice so I thought that I can see other women that day but she'll be there if I want her.

I had seen her years before. Some Tuesdays she wasn't there and I saw Leila instead. In many ways I prefer Leila. Another one I saw is Nicole. Leila and Nicole are friends and they drive from Manchester or somewhere to work in this brothel in Wales.

I liked Nicole, but she's not very attractive. She looks like someone out of a Beryl Cook painting. She wanked herself to orgasm while I put two fingers in her vagina. Just like Marina in Amsterdam earlier this year. None of these women are young, with Nicole looking the oldest.

Naomi and Leila are very talkative. Naomi told me that young women aren't so attracted to working in a brothel. That is the reason brothels are dying out. I had a very interesting conversation with Leila about the woman who ran the Sandy's Superstars brothels in Manchester - Sandra Hankin. She said that Sandra was prosecuted because she didn't pay taxes on her earnings, although I'm not sure if it is possible for people like her to pay taxes in the normal way.

So it got me thinking that maybe there are fewer brothels now because young women don't want to work in brothels. It's not that the police have closed them down. Young women usually prefer to work from a flat and advertise online. I thought they do that because it is illegal for them to work together. They avoid the possibility of arrest.

There are advantages to women working together, either in a brothel or in a less formal arrangement. Safety, for example. Perhaps they feel safe enough working on their own. Although I think they often have someone else there in the flat with them.

I have also been going to another brothel in Wales, Dolly's in Queensferry. I saw Candy there. I thought that I might have seen her before. The next time I saw her I said were you Lucy at The Office in Ellesmere Port. She was amazed that I could remember her as it was years ago. Candy is very raunchy. She likes to snog and laughs a lot.

I had a little joke with her that I had first seen her years ago in the street near to a brothel in New Ferry. I wondered if she was a prostitute so I followed her back to the brothel. When I saw her going in then I knew she was one. Candy said she had worked at that brothel.

I have seen Candy six times this year, Naomi twice, Leila three times and Nicole once. What I like about both of these brothels is that they charge £50 pounds per half hour. Rock Ferry Thai Massage charges £60 per half hour. You can get it even cheaper if you pay for 20 minutes instead of half an hour. At Temptations I give £20 to the 'maid' and the rest to the woman. I usually pay her an extra £10 for oral sex without a condom.

There is a café in Flint called Temptations, I don't know if that ever causes confusion.

I often go to Chester and I have found that it is easy to get to Queensferry or Flint from there. The 11 bus is my favourite. I don't just use it to go to brothels. I have now walked between Flint and Greenfield Dock along the western side of the Dee estuary. If I see a beluga on the way that is an added bonus.

The phone number for Temptations is 07749231388 and for Dollys it is 01244831664.

feminism pornography and prostitution

People who have read this blog will know that I have a problem not with feminism itself but with a particular type of feminism: Radical Feminism or Revolutionary Feminism. I don't accept the beliefs of Catharine MacKinnon, Andrea Dworkin, Sheila Jeffreys and Julie Bindel. Especially when it comes to prostitution and pornography.

I was looking through the feminism section in a library and I came across two books by feminist authors that interested me greatly. They don't like MacKinnon and Dworkin either. The books are Feminism (A Very Short Introduction) by Margaret Walters and Difficult Women (A History of Feminism in 11 Fights) by Helen Lewis.

Before I quote from both books I want to point out that although MacKinnon and Dworkin don't seem to have changed their native America much, they are responsible for a big change in Sweden. According to Prohibiting sex purchasing and ending trafficking: the Swedish prostitution law by Max Waltman they are responsible for the law there that criminalises men like me.

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Feminism by Margaret Walters page 115

Unfortunately, this legitimate, urgently necessary insistence that rape is, indeed, a serious and violent crime, was distorted by some later feminists. For another American, Catherine MacKinnon, woman is always, indeed almost by definition, a victim. 'To be about to be raped is to be gender female in the process of going about life as usual', she insists.

You grow up with your father holding you down and covering your mouth so another man can make a horrible searing pain between your legs. When you are older, your husband ties you to a bed and drips hot wax on your nipples and brings in other men to watch and makes you suck his penis ... In this thousand years of silence, the camera is invented and pictures are made of you while these things are being done ...

Her friend Andrea Dworkin argued that 'pornography is the law for women', and flatly, without any qualification, equated rape and sexual intercourse. As, indeed, did MacKinnon, who from the opening paragraph of Only Words (1995) offers a terrible paradigm of what she sees as female experience: a primal paternal rape that freezes us in a state of permanent terror. She constantly evokes the image of a once-violated child who can never grow up, who, she insists, lives on in most women, even those who claim to enjoy consensual sex: 'the aggressor gets an erection; the victim screams and struggles and bleeds and blisters and becomes five years old'. This is melodrama masquerading as feminism.

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Difficult Women by Helen Lewis page 312

It is a mistake for 'gender critical' feminists, who question aspects of transgender ideology, to form alliances with right-wing Christian fundamentalists in the US who believe that changing your legal gender should not be permitted. A similar error was made by anti-porn feminists in the 1980s, whose efforts to point out the misogyny of the porn industry and its products were co-opted by religious conservatives into a broader reactionary agenda.* One shared goal does not cancel out such a fundamental divergence in world view.

*'In 1984 antiporn legislation devised by Andrea Dworkin and Catharine MacKinnon, defining pornography as a violation of women's civil rights, was introduced in the Indianapolis city council by an anti-ERA [equal rights amendment] activist, passed with the support of the right, and signed into law by the Republican mayor, William Hudnut,' reported the Atlantic in 1992.

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page 185

Like Pizzey, though, Bindel has found herself at odds with the rest of the feminist movement. She is on the unfashionable side of two of the most divisive and heated subjects in modern feminism: transgender issues and prostitution. She believes that the latter is violence against women, and that sex-buyers should be prosecuted. The current generation of student activists take a more liberal position, stressing individual choice and agency. They argue that decriminalising both sellers and buyers would make the transaction safer.

my day trip to Blackpool

I had been intending to return to Blackpool and I did so on Friday. It was perfect weather for a seaside trip, sunny but not hot. I wrote about the funny little Red Light District in Blackpool, quite near the train station. I notice that it has gone downhill since I was there a couple of years ago. All of the ones in Cookson street seem to be closed now apart from Natalie's and the Thai one at number 23.

It can't be that the police have closed them because then they would all have closed. It must be that either there is less sex work or that it has shifted more from brothels to flats. You would think that women would prefer to work with each other than alone. It could be though that they don't like the brothel taking a cut of the money that they earn. It's a pity that women can't choose to run a place like this for themselves, making the rules for themselves and keeping the profits for themselves.

The Thai brothel is somewhere I wanted to visit. It is run by the same Thai woman who runs the nearest brothel to me, Rock Ferry Thai Massage. She also runs a brothel in Manchester. There is a flat in Southport where some of the same women turn up. From the outside 23 Cookson Street doesn't look nice, it looks a bit run down like the whole area. So I was surprised when I went in. They have done it up to look like the best Thai massage places.

Perhaps there are men who go there who don't realise that they can have full sex with their masseuse. Perhaps some of them are hoping for hand relief. When I went in I asked how many women there are there. There were two. I asked to see both of them. One of them was Nadia, who I have seen before in Rock Ferry. She told me there that she lived in Fulham and worked in Mayfair. I chose the other one though, Jessica.

I would guess that Jessica is about 40. She has long hair and is a bit plump. She has large well-shaped breasts. The best thing about Jessica is that she laughs a lot and is just good fun. I paid £60 and I had a very enjoyable time on top of her. Just the thing you want on a day trip to the seaside. I was using her standard condom but I managed to orgasm easily. I asked her if she would like to contact me when she starts work at Rock Ferry. I told her I would go to see her there. I wrote down my phone number.

Before I left this area to go to the sea front I had a good look round. I tried the door of the Babylon brothel where I had been a couple of years ago, just to see if it really was closed. It was. I hadn't been happy with my experiences in this area, it was overpriced with a poor service. But I got a very good service at number 23 and paid no more than my usual £60.

In one of the side streets is a Thai massage place. Perhaps it is one of those 'legitimate' Thai places where there is no sex, just massage. Or they may just do hand relief. It could be somewhere they have full sex though. There is another Thai place in King Street where there is definitely full sex. I went into their doorway and a short Thai woman came out. I asked her if it was full service and she said yes. I asked her how many women there were there and she said just one. Probably her, I thought. Nothing to tempt me there.

my trip to Amsterdam

I have been to Amsterdam twice this year. I didn't go just to see sex workers. I also went to try cannabis for the first time. You might think that it would be easy enough to try cannabis without going abroad. I try to avoid doing anything illegal though. I often lack the good sense to avoid difficulties, which indeed happened both with the sex workers and the cannabis.

I walked around the Red Light District in Amsterdam for a while before I chose the first sex worker to see. She just happened to be one of the few or maybe the only one who offers sex with or without a condom. She asked me if I wanted to use a condom and - foolishly - I said no. If I had known this might happen I would have taken PrEP. I had some back in England but it didn't occur to me that this might happen.

I had sex with her three times on my first trip to Amsterdam and three times on my second trip. At least the second time I brought my PrEP with me. The first trip was about two months ago; I have had an HIV test and I am HIV negative.

The first time I had sex with this woman I waited a couple of hours and then I went back and had sex with her again. Both times without a condom. The second time was about 5 pm and I decided it was the right time to try cannabis for the first time. I went to one of the 'coffee shops' and bought a spliff of the mildest cannabis that they had available.

It didn't have the effect on me that I expected. I was expecting it to make me feel hungry then sleepy. I was hoping to get a really good night's sleep. It made me feel really hot and thirsty though. It was a bit like being drunk. I had to get home but I wasn't able to read the map. My hotel was an hours walk from the centre of Amsterdam. I managed it by recognizing landmarks.

The second time I smoked cannabis was on my second trip to Amsterdam. I bought a spliff but waited till I was back at my hotel. There was a no smoking rule at the hotel, so I smoked it outside. The next day I bought a cannabis brownie and ate it in my hotel room. It didn't make me hungry or sleepy. I felt rough the next day and didn't get up till after 2 pm. I won't be doing that again.

I had sex with other women too. There are three Red Light Districts in Amsterdam. All of them have the windows where women stand or sit in their bikinis. The main one is in the centre of Amsterdam and is called De Wallen. There is another not far away near to the Singel canal. Most of the windows here are in Oude Nieuwstraat.

I chose Marina, who is a middle-aged woman from Brazil. There are many young slender tall women in Amsterdam but I didn't choose them. I gave all of them a good look though. Marina wanted me to put my fingers in her pussy while she wanked herself. I was happy to do this and I shagged her too.

I like latina women and I had sex with two others apart from Marina. Both seemed a bit younger than Marina and very sexy. The first one was in De Wallen at the end of a street called Bloedstraat. She told me her name and where she came from but I can't remember. Her name was something like Marietta and she came from either Colombia or Venezuela. She was wonderful.

The third Red Light District is in an area called De Pijp. I had sex with another latina there. It was at the end of a street called Govert Flinckstraat. She was wonderful too, they certainly know how to make a man happy. This one talked me into giving her €60, but all the other women charged €50. Even the woman who I had sex with without a condom didn't charge extra (she also let me snog and finger her; I think 'enthusiastic amateur' is the best description). I don't know how long I spent with each one, it seemed to be about 20 minutes.

Another two other women I had sex with were both in Oude Nieuwstraat. One was Dutch, the other Mexican. Both were interesting experiences but not as good as with the other ones.

I didn't stay in De Wallen after about 7 pm, so I can't tell you what it is like late at night. 

One evening I was walking along Barndesteeg. The door to one of the window flats was open and a young woman was hanging out of it. She seemed very friendly but looked a bit strange. I wondered if she was on drugs. I passed by and looked into another window. There was a young woman sitting looking at her mobile. She was wearing a mask. A domino mask. She got up and came towards me. Then I heard her shouting something and maybe some banging too.

I wondered what was going on. There were some people behind me and I thought maybe one of them had tried to take a photograph. They don't like that, it is not allowed. I considered that maybe she had privacy issues - she didn't like the way I looked at her. Women often don't like the way that I look at them, it is perhaps too intense.

The young slender tall women didn't seem to mind me looking at them. I saw one, the most beautiful, standing in the doorway in her bikini. She was taller than most too. I asked her how much and I think she said €100. I think some of them charge €150.

The only younger one that I might have gone with was a really cute one who smiled encouragingly from her window. She was in Monnikenstraat. The other woman who was very encouraging was a woman sitting in lingire in a window up some steps. She saw me looking at her and opened her stockinged legs then closed them. I tried to find her on my second trip but she wasn't there.

The last woman who made an impression on me was a young woman I think in Boomsteeg. She wasn't trying to be sexy. She didn't have loads of makeup on. She was just a young beautiful blonde woman. Perhaps she wondered why I was staring at her but she didn't seem to mind. I wonder if she realises how much happiness she has brought to so many men.

I saw this at the airport