There has been a lot of recent publicity about Tooting Bec Common in the media. A couple of days ago there was a BBC local news report about it. There have also been newspaper articles. About 10 years ago there were many prostitutes who got into cars late at night on the roads around the eastern end of the common. The police had a big crackdown, but the problem has been getting worse. Residents have been complaining.
I didn't go there 10 years ago and I have never been there at night. I didn't like the BBC news report because it was trying to make it sound worse than it is. It showed women it short skirts, some of them hanging around doorways and neon signs showing illicit services. None of this has anything to do with what happens on Tooting Bec Common. It also said that 'drugs paraphernalia' and condoms are found near to paths. I have never seen any drugs paraphernalia. Sometimes you do see used condoms and wrappers but in secluded places far away from paths. So I think the BBC is being untruthful here.
I have been to the common 3 or 4 times this year. There was mainly older women there. I have not given money to any young women, and have seen only a couple of them. One of the older woman I met was quite unpleasant. She was slagging off one of the street girls (C.), saying that she lets men shag her up the arse without a condom. She told me that she herself comes from a criminal family. She described herself as a cripple, because she has a pronounced limp.
I met another older woman who was very chatty. She told me that one of the girls that I knew (N.) was pregnant and was giving up prostitution. She told me that it often happens that a street girl gets pregnant and gives it all up.
Another older woman was telling me about K. but I don't know how accurate her information was. She told me that K. looks like an old woman now and was injecting heroin. She said that K. is still quite young and had been involved in prostitution since she was 13. That doesn't seem to fit in with what K. has told me about herself, but then K. might have been telling me a load of rubbish.
I have seen N. twice this year. First was in a supermarket. She said hello to me and smiled. She looked much rougher than I had ever remembered her. Then a few weeks later I saw her in the street. I asked her if she had had rehab. She said that she was about to. I hope she gets off the drugs because she is a nice person. Although I was sad to see her looking so rough, I was pleased to hear she may be getting out of it. I was also pleased that she remembered me and did not think that I was like an abuser. She didn't offer me sex and I didn't offer her money.
I have also seen, but not spoken to, T. twice this year with a baby. She looked OK but older than I remember her.
Saturday, August 9, 2008
Monday, December 31, 2007
more about other streetgirls I have met
part 4 of blog 'Secret Diary of a Street Girl' by Bête de Nuit
People have many misconceptions about street girls. They think that drug addicts are being exploited because they have no choice but to sell themselves on the street. They think that when a street girl is having things done to her she has the same feelings as a woman who is being raped or maybe a child who is being abused. They think that street girls hate what is happening to them but put up with it because they are desperate and have no alternative.
People also think that most street girls are being pimped and many are underage. The ones that I have seen are not.
If prostitution on Tooting Bec Common was stopped then street girls would spend more time in Brixton Hill or New Park Road. As it is many of the more addicted girls like K. cannot get enough money from Tooting Bec Common and rarely go there. They go to Brixton Hill at 2 or 3 am and get into men's cars. One girl told me she was robbed there and I suspect that K. was stabbed there.
When K. started turning up again on Tooting Bec Common again a couple of years ago, I noticed she had a bandage around her middle. I suspect that she had been stabbed and that she had decided that Brixton Hill was too dangerous for her.
If prostitution was no longer an option to them then they would resort to street crime, burglary or shoplifting. They might beg or sell drugs. This is after all what male drug addicts usually end up doing. Some of the more organized women can have a number of regular clients. I met a woman on the common who said she was only there because she had lost her mobile phone and all the numbers of her clients. I don't think she was an addict.
Prostitutes often pretend that they are enjoying having sex with their clients and it can be difficult to guess what is going on in their minds. The street girls I have seen on the common don't seem to resent what I was doing to them, they were mostly chatty and friendly. There was only ever one girl who seemed to be upset.
One pleasant summer afternoon I passed a girl sitting on a bench on the common. She had a young man with her. She asked me if I had a light for her cigarette. She was reasonably pretty, and she had long hair and a short skirt, which is what I like. Most of the girls on the common wear jeans. I didn't want to talk to her with the man there but later I saw her walking around. I said I would give her ten pounds if she would let me finger her. She told me her name was T. We went somewhere and I asked her to lie down with me on the grass.
She looked very unhappy about it. This was the one time that I regret going with a girl on the common. What I would have liked to have done is to tell her that I had changed my mind, that we could just have had a chat instead. I would have told her that I can remember what it is like to be a young person in London, living in temporary accommodation, not knowing if you'll have enough money, not knowing what your future will be. I could have told her that if she uses the system then she can end up OK with a nice flat of her own, as I have done. I would also have liked to have asked her if someone was making her do this.
Some weeks after this I asked another girl that I knew called N. which girls I should avoid on the common. She said K., of course, and a woman called Zoë. But she also said T. This surprised me. I could imagine Zoë becoming violent, but I could not imagine T. being like that. She seemed quite sweet.
Zoë is a woman I saw only once. She came to the common with her friend, who looked as if she could have been attractive once. They both looked like hardened crack addicts, and Zoë looked quite evil. She sat on the bench where I was sitting. She told me her name was Candy, but she is known as Zoë (I'm not going to conceal the name of a woman I don't like). Judging from her accent she comes from Birmingham. She tried to persuade me to come into the bushes with her and when I said I wasn't interested she tried to put my hand on her crotch.
Unlike T., most of the girls on the common don't seem to mind what I did to them. But twice I have been with women on the common who have been turned on when I fingered them. I know that prostitutes often pretend to be turned on, but the signs of sexual arousal in a woman are unmistakable.
Last year I met an African girl called D. who was wearing a short skirt. She took me to a secluded place. She sat on a tree stump. I put my hand up her skirt. She wasn't wearing any knickers. I touched the outside of her pussy and after a while I inserted first one finger, and then two. I could tell she was becoming aroused. She put her head against mine and mumbled "It's very bad, it's very bad".
I asked her to come to my flat sometime. She said she would. She gave me her mobile number. I also asked her if she knew K. and N. She said these were girls she knew from New Park Road not so much Tooting Bec Common. When I asked her about N. she said "Which one?". I said "Long blonde hair" and she said "We call her 'Pretty N.'". There are two women with the same name. That sounded right to me because the N. I had known was pretty. She told me that N. was in prison.
D. came to my flat. She is the only one to have come to my flat apart from K. You might think that a young woman is not going to be sexually aroused with a middle-aged man like me but K. was quite enthusiastic when she came to my flat. These girls have lost their inhibitions. I often ask street girls if they have had sex with other girls and both K. and D. have told me that if I want they could bring another girl next time for a threesome.
When I phoned D. to ask her to come to my flat she said she would come that day. Later on she phoned me and I could recognize the distorted voice I had first heard with K. The voice they have when they have been taking a lot of crack.
She didn't turn up till about midnight. She seemed quite agitated. She went into my bathroom and started having a shower without asking me. She came into the room naked and found some of my moisturizer and covered herself from head to foot. She said it was too quiet in here and turned on the radio, turning the dial till she found something she liked. Then she sat on the floor in front of the fire and started smoking crack. This was a bit of a surprise to me. I had never seen anyone smoke crack before.
This was a different experience from when K. came to my flat. Looking at D. I could tell her face and body had yet to be affected by drugs, but she was behaving in quite a scary way. I asked her to come and lie on the bed with me which she did but she continued to smoke crack. I did have sex with her but she wasn't interested. Neither was she interested in talking, so it was a disappointment.
When she had put her clothes back on (she was quite scruffy), she phoned her taxi driver, who was reluctant to pick her up. D. pleaded with her and had a little temper tantrum, the same kind of temper tantrum that I had seen happen with K. and the woman in the documentary I saw. I had given her fifty pounds.
I never invited D. back to my flat. I would be very tempted to have two girls come to my flat but I'm not going to risk it. It would be difficult to keep control of one drugged up girl let alone two. I imagined one of them in the bathroom phoning her friends and inviting them to come round. Not what I had in mind.
A few weeks later I saw D. in the street. She called out to me. I went over and she gave me a big hug. She seemed completely different and back to her normal self.
Perhaps the first girl I ever saw on the common was N., about seven years ago. She looked like a teenager then. For some reason I never paid her much attention after that, not for several years. She seemed to be there all the time. She had her own area of the common away from the other girls.
I remember once I approached her. She tried to persuade me to have sex with her. She said that I could come in her mouth. She said something about how she needed to pay these men off. There were a couple of men hanging about.
A couple of years ago I saw her on the common after I hadn't seen her for a while. She looked quite healthy. I said that I don't really like to have sex on the common and she said she had a flat we could go to. She asked me how much I normally pay for that and I told her thirty pounds. She gave me her phone number and some days later I phoned her.
She told me to wait for her at a train station. She told me she had just come from court and that she had to write a letter to the judge. We went to her flat and I said I would like a blowjob. We took off all our clothes and I lay on the bed. She said I could come in her mouth but I would have to tell her when I was coming. While she was giving me a blowjob she pushed her bum into my face. I don't know if she wanted me to lick her pussy. She had put the TV on, there was a programme about antiques, because she is interested in antiques.
I went to her flat a second time a few weeks later. It was then that I asked her which girls I should avoid on the common. She said 'Next time let's go to your flat'. Several weeks later I tried to contact her. I left a voicemail message for her and then a text, inviting her to come to my flat. I didn't get a reply.
I met a woman on the common earlier this year called C. She is heavily addicted but seems a nice person and very friendly. I asked her to tell me what goes on at Brixton Hill and she told me that she had been robbed last night.
I asked her if she knew K. and N. She said that K. can be very rude and insulting. I asked if she could give N. my phone number because I wanted to see N. again. When she realized that I had got the two N.s mixed up she said that the N. that I had known didn't really do it anymore. She said that they knew her as 'Nine-fingered N.'.
I didn't expect to see N. again. I was hoping that she had given up drugs. One day I was on the common and she came up to me. Normally I would have been delighted to see her. The problem was that she looked really dreadful. I had a little chat with her but I made an excuse not to go with her. I said that I had only just got there and I wanted to look around to see which girls were there. She told me that she expected Mummy to come to the common because she usually came in the afternoons. I asked her who she meant and she told me about an older woman they call 'Mummy' who looks after the girls.
Several years ago I encountered a woman called J. She was one of the only two women who seemed to physically respond to my probings. I saw her this year in the company of a very nice young woman. I took the young woman into the bushes and gave her ten pounds. She told me she doesn't do drugs, she likes alcohol. She had full breasts. Addicts have lost that. I said I would like her to come to my flat and she agreed to give me J.s number as she was staying with her. She said she calls her J. but also Mummy.
When I phoned a few days later J. said she would pass on the message, but I didn't hear from her. I saw J. weeks later and she said the young woman had moved out and was in rehab.
I was upset after my encounter with N. I assumed that she had been taking too many drugs. It could have been that she wasn't wearing any makeup that day. I have seen K. without makeup. It could even be that she has Aids. I asked her which N. she was and she held up her hand. She had only three fingers and a thumb. I hadn't noticed before. She said it was an accident with a tin opener.
It would be nice if N. had given up drugs or cut right down and that she kept a few regular punters, including me. That's what I would really like. I would like to know a local girl, perhaps a young mother who needs a bit of extra cash. Then I wouldn't go to Tooting Bec Common any more, or to Soho either.
I have been to Soho many times over the years. The girls can be very beautiful and healthy looking and don't cost much money. I don't believe they have been trafficked. I have checked out my local brothel but it is more expensive.
About thirty years ago I went to visit my sister in rehab. She was an alcoholic. One day she told me about a girl who was planning to leave rehab. She said she was a heroin addict and she was offering herself to men to get money. I had seen this girl and she looked pretty and nice. An ordinary girl, not rough looking at all. My reaction to hearing this was a mixture of horror and fascination and sexual arousal.
Since that time I have been fascinated by street girls. Every so often a documentary appears on TV about street girls and I find it fascinating. I saw one about three girls east London which was very sad. I saw one made by a man who filmed a former schoolmate of his who was an addict in Toxteth, Liverpool. He showed a photo he had of her when she was about ten in her school uniform. She looked like an ordinary girl, smiling and sweet. It made me think it could so easily happen to anyone.
People have many misconceptions about street girls. They think that drug addicts are being exploited because they have no choice but to sell themselves on the street. They think that when a street girl is having things done to her she has the same feelings as a woman who is being raped or maybe a child who is being abused. They think that street girls hate what is happening to them but put up with it because they are desperate and have no alternative.
People also think that most street girls are being pimped and many are underage. The ones that I have seen are not.
If prostitution on Tooting Bec Common was stopped then street girls would spend more time in Brixton Hill or New Park Road. As it is many of the more addicted girls like K. cannot get enough money from Tooting Bec Common and rarely go there. They go to Brixton Hill at 2 or 3 am and get into men's cars. One girl told me she was robbed there and I suspect that K. was stabbed there.
When K. started turning up again on Tooting Bec Common again a couple of years ago, I noticed she had a bandage around her middle. I suspect that she had been stabbed and that she had decided that Brixton Hill was too dangerous for her.
If prostitution was no longer an option to them then they would resort to street crime, burglary or shoplifting. They might beg or sell drugs. This is after all what male drug addicts usually end up doing. Some of the more organized women can have a number of regular clients. I met a woman on the common who said she was only there because she had lost her mobile phone and all the numbers of her clients. I don't think she was an addict.
Prostitutes often pretend that they are enjoying having sex with their clients and it can be difficult to guess what is going on in their minds. The street girls I have seen on the common don't seem to resent what I was doing to them, they were mostly chatty and friendly. There was only ever one girl who seemed to be upset.
One pleasant summer afternoon I passed a girl sitting on a bench on the common. She had a young man with her. She asked me if I had a light for her cigarette. She was reasonably pretty, and she had long hair and a short skirt, which is what I like. Most of the girls on the common wear jeans. I didn't want to talk to her with the man there but later I saw her walking around. I said I would give her ten pounds if she would let me finger her. She told me her name was T. We went somewhere and I asked her to lie down with me on the grass.
She looked very unhappy about it. This was the one time that I regret going with a girl on the common. What I would have liked to have done is to tell her that I had changed my mind, that we could just have had a chat instead. I would have told her that I can remember what it is like to be a young person in London, living in temporary accommodation, not knowing if you'll have enough money, not knowing what your future will be. I could have told her that if she uses the system then she can end up OK with a nice flat of her own, as I have done. I would also have liked to have asked her if someone was making her do this.
Some weeks after this I asked another girl that I knew called N. which girls I should avoid on the common. She said K., of course, and a woman called Zoë. But she also said T. This surprised me. I could imagine Zoë becoming violent, but I could not imagine T. being like that. She seemed quite sweet.
Zoë is a woman I saw only once. She came to the common with her friend, who looked as if she could have been attractive once. They both looked like hardened crack addicts, and Zoë looked quite evil. She sat on the bench where I was sitting. She told me her name was Candy, but she is known as Zoë (I'm not going to conceal the name of a woman I don't like). Judging from her accent she comes from Birmingham. She tried to persuade me to come into the bushes with her and when I said I wasn't interested she tried to put my hand on her crotch.
Unlike T., most of the girls on the common don't seem to mind what I did to them. But twice I have been with women on the common who have been turned on when I fingered them. I know that prostitutes often pretend to be turned on, but the signs of sexual arousal in a woman are unmistakable.
Last year I met an African girl called D. who was wearing a short skirt. She took me to a secluded place. She sat on a tree stump. I put my hand up her skirt. She wasn't wearing any knickers. I touched the outside of her pussy and after a while I inserted first one finger, and then two. I could tell she was becoming aroused. She put her head against mine and mumbled "It's very bad, it's very bad".
I asked her to come to my flat sometime. She said she would. She gave me her mobile number. I also asked her if she knew K. and N. She said these were girls she knew from New Park Road not so much Tooting Bec Common. When I asked her about N. she said "Which one?". I said "Long blonde hair" and she said "We call her 'Pretty N.'". There are two women with the same name. That sounded right to me because the N. I had known was pretty. She told me that N. was in prison.
D. came to my flat. She is the only one to have come to my flat apart from K. You might think that a young woman is not going to be sexually aroused with a middle-aged man like me but K. was quite enthusiastic when she came to my flat. These girls have lost their inhibitions. I often ask street girls if they have had sex with other girls and both K. and D. have told me that if I want they could bring another girl next time for a threesome.
When I phoned D. to ask her to come to my flat she said she would come that day. Later on she phoned me and I could recognize the distorted voice I had first heard with K. The voice they have when they have been taking a lot of crack.
She didn't turn up till about midnight. She seemed quite agitated. She went into my bathroom and started having a shower without asking me. She came into the room naked and found some of my moisturizer and covered herself from head to foot. She said it was too quiet in here and turned on the radio, turning the dial till she found something she liked. Then she sat on the floor in front of the fire and started smoking crack. This was a bit of a surprise to me. I had never seen anyone smoke crack before.
This was a different experience from when K. came to my flat. Looking at D. I could tell her face and body had yet to be affected by drugs, but she was behaving in quite a scary way. I asked her to come and lie on the bed with me which she did but she continued to smoke crack. I did have sex with her but she wasn't interested. Neither was she interested in talking, so it was a disappointment.
When she had put her clothes back on (she was quite scruffy), she phoned her taxi driver, who was reluctant to pick her up. D. pleaded with her and had a little temper tantrum, the same kind of temper tantrum that I had seen happen with K. and the woman in the documentary I saw. I had given her fifty pounds.
I never invited D. back to my flat. I would be very tempted to have two girls come to my flat but I'm not going to risk it. It would be difficult to keep control of one drugged up girl let alone two. I imagined one of them in the bathroom phoning her friends and inviting them to come round. Not what I had in mind.
A few weeks later I saw D. in the street. She called out to me. I went over and she gave me a big hug. She seemed completely different and back to her normal self.
Perhaps the first girl I ever saw on the common was N., about seven years ago. She looked like a teenager then. For some reason I never paid her much attention after that, not for several years. She seemed to be there all the time. She had her own area of the common away from the other girls.
I remember once I approached her. She tried to persuade me to have sex with her. She said that I could come in her mouth. She said something about how she needed to pay these men off. There were a couple of men hanging about.
A couple of years ago I saw her on the common after I hadn't seen her for a while. She looked quite healthy. I said that I don't really like to have sex on the common and she said she had a flat we could go to. She asked me how much I normally pay for that and I told her thirty pounds. She gave me her phone number and some days later I phoned her.
She told me to wait for her at a train station. She told me she had just come from court and that she had to write a letter to the judge. We went to her flat and I said I would like a blowjob. We took off all our clothes and I lay on the bed. She said I could come in her mouth but I would have to tell her when I was coming. While she was giving me a blowjob she pushed her bum into my face. I don't know if she wanted me to lick her pussy. She had put the TV on, there was a programme about antiques, because she is interested in antiques.
I went to her flat a second time a few weeks later. It was then that I asked her which girls I should avoid on the common. She said 'Next time let's go to your flat'. Several weeks later I tried to contact her. I left a voicemail message for her and then a text, inviting her to come to my flat. I didn't get a reply.
I met a woman on the common earlier this year called C. She is heavily addicted but seems a nice person and very friendly. I asked her to tell me what goes on at Brixton Hill and she told me that she had been robbed last night.
I asked her if she knew K. and N. She said that K. can be very rude and insulting. I asked if she could give N. my phone number because I wanted to see N. again. When she realized that I had got the two N.s mixed up she said that the N. that I had known didn't really do it anymore. She said that they knew her as 'Nine-fingered N.'.
I didn't expect to see N. again. I was hoping that she had given up drugs. One day I was on the common and she came up to me. Normally I would have been delighted to see her. The problem was that she looked really dreadful. I had a little chat with her but I made an excuse not to go with her. I said that I had only just got there and I wanted to look around to see which girls were there. She told me that she expected Mummy to come to the common because she usually came in the afternoons. I asked her who she meant and she told me about an older woman they call 'Mummy' who looks after the girls.
Several years ago I encountered a woman called J. She was one of the only two women who seemed to physically respond to my probings. I saw her this year in the company of a very nice young woman. I took the young woman into the bushes and gave her ten pounds. She told me she doesn't do drugs, she likes alcohol. She had full breasts. Addicts have lost that. I said I would like her to come to my flat and she agreed to give me J.s number as she was staying with her. She said she calls her J. but also Mummy.
When I phoned a few days later J. said she would pass on the message, but I didn't hear from her. I saw J. weeks later and she said the young woman had moved out and was in rehab.
I was upset after my encounter with N. I assumed that she had been taking too many drugs. It could have been that she wasn't wearing any makeup that day. I have seen K. without makeup. It could even be that she has Aids. I asked her which N. she was and she held up her hand. She had only three fingers and a thumb. I hadn't noticed before. She said it was an accident with a tin opener.
It would be nice if N. had given up drugs or cut right down and that she kept a few regular punters, including me. That's what I would really like. I would like to know a local girl, perhaps a young mother who needs a bit of extra cash. Then I wouldn't go to Tooting Bec Common any more, or to Soho either.
I have been to Soho many times over the years. The girls can be very beautiful and healthy looking and don't cost much money. I don't believe they have been trafficked. I have checked out my local brothel but it is more expensive.
About thirty years ago I went to visit my sister in rehab. She was an alcoholic. One day she told me about a girl who was planning to leave rehab. She said she was a heroin addict and she was offering herself to men to get money. I had seen this girl and she looked pretty and nice. An ordinary girl, not rough looking at all. My reaction to hearing this was a mixture of horror and fascination and sexual arousal.
Since that time I have been fascinated by street girls. Every so often a documentary appears on TV about street girls and I find it fascinating. I saw one about three girls east London which was very sad. I saw one made by a man who filmed a former schoolmate of his who was an addict in Toxteth, Liverpool. He showed a photo he had of her when she was about ten in her school uniform. She looked like an ordinary girl, smiling and sweet. It made me think it could so easily happen to anyone.
Thursday, November 29, 2007
more about K.
part 3 of blog 'Secret Diary of a Street Girl' by Bête de Nuit
When I saw K. I was shocked by her appearance. She was wearing a lot of makeup and she had got some of it in her hair. She looked really strange. I knew that I didn't want to have sex with her, but I wanted to talk to her. I said I wanted to photograph her. We went to the cashpoint and she tried to snatch the money out of my hands. I didn't let her and she became frustrated and upset. I remembered watching a documentary on TV about a crack addict in Liverpool who became upset when she was frustrated, in the same way, like a child having a temper tantrum.
She asked me to give her some money to pay her driver. She went to talk to a man parked up in a blue van. I don't know what he said to her, but she looked at him with a look of such intense hatred that I have never seen on the face of anyone before or since. When she came back to me she pointed out some recycling bins and said that she would be going through them after she had been with me to find things to wear.
We went into the supermarket to buy booze, some food and a film for my camera. People were giving her funny looks because she looked really weird. She looked a bit like an old woman and a bit like a bag lady. I felt really out of my depth. She wanted me to hand over the money but I wouldn't in case she walked off with it. She kept telling me I should trust her and in the end I thought it would be OK as long as I kept an eye on her. When I was looking for a film she said "I'll go and get some champagne". I didn't want to let her out of my sight but if I had said something she would have got upset again.
I think this is something these girls learn how to do. Few men are stupid enough to hand over money before they get to the flat. If a girl makes a lot of fuss then the man may think it would be OK as long as he doesn't let her out of his sight. Then she'll say she just has to buy some condoms or something and he has to decide if he wants to stop her going off. If he does she will say "I thought we'd been through this, don't you trust me by now?".
There were a couple of reasons why I didn't think she would walk off with my money. I knew where she lived, or as good as. She could have had the money without stealing from me, all she had to do was to let me photograph her. But she was on a crack binge and she wanted money now. She didn't care about the future.
I had the mobile number she had used to contact me. I tried to contact her without success. I left a voicemail message for her driver. I didn't know if he was a drug dealer, pimp or boyfriend but I wanted someone to blame for the condition she was in. I said that I was going to track him down and kill him. I didn't really want to kill him just to scare him. I would have smashed his van up though.
I didn't like the idea of her drinking champagne with him when she should have been with me. Especially if they were laughing at me. I knew that she had bought some champagne because I saw her at the checkouts with some. When she saw me she said "Can you get some alcopops for me?".
I didn't expect to hear from her again, but later that evening she phoned me. I had calmed down so I said I forgave her. She said she would come round later. I was really surprised that she said that. I said "I think we'd better just leave it". I didn't want to add to her problems because I could see she had enough problems of her own.
I thought that was the end of the matter. However, the next day I turned on my mobile phone and there were 2 abusive and disrespectful voicemail messages from her and a text message that I thought at the time was from him. This made me really angry. I had considered that when she had said she wanted to come to my flat the previous evening she really had wanted to know where I lived so they could smash my windows or something. Now I was convinced this was true.
It didn't take me long to find out where she lived. I went on the internet and found the site of a hostel in Clapham. I phoned the number and asked to speak to K. A helpful man said that she wasn't there at the moment but he could give her a message from me. I then typed out a threatening letter to her. I didn't expect to get the money back, I just wanted to teach her some respect. I wouldn't have hurt her.
I didn't think she would be frightened by my letter, but I did think she would be irritated. I didn't expect to get a reply. She left a couple of messages on my voicemail saying she wanted to talk to me. Then a message from a man who I think was her therapist who was concerned about her. I wrote her another letter saying I forgave her and that I wouldn't try to contact her again.
One day I turned on my mobile and there was a voicemail message for me. I could hear this sad music and after a while I heard her voice mumbling something incoherent and then she hung up. It wasn't abusive. She sounded as if she was drunk.
Several weeks later I sent her another letter. I said I would like to buy her video from her. She phoned me and said that she had got rid of her 'friend', the van driver, because he had said he would look after her but had become a bully. I went to Clapham to meet her. She told me he delivered newspapers for a living. I could have asked her for his name and address or other details and then done something nasty to him. But I didn't hate him that much by this time.
She apologised for being difficult with me and said that her 'friend' had given her a book about child abuse that had upset her. She also said that he had not wanted her to see me because he had wanted to stop anything good happening to her. I asked her if she took heroin as well as crack cocaine and she said no, although a lot of the girls do.
She wanted to know why I had become angry with her after I had forgiven her for stealing from me. I didn't tell her about the abusive and disrespectful voicemail messages. She had no memory of them. I told her about the text message. She wanted to read it. Now I think it could have been her who sent it.
I asked K. to come to my flat. She said she would, and asked me to get some 'K' cider for her. She didn't come though, and I didn't see her again for a couple of years.
I saw her again on Tooting Bec Common. She wasn't wearing any make up and didn't look pretty. She was also very thin, almost skeletal. I didn't want to have sex with her but I wanted to talk to her and I gave her a tenner. I put the other 2 tenners I had back into my shirt pocket. To my surprise she snatched the money out of the pocket. I grabbed her arm and she warned me to let go of her of it. I let go of her and she started trying to have sex with me. I said I didn't want that.
I told her that if she needed someone reliable to talk to about her feelings and things that had happened to her then she could always talk to me. I gave her my mobile number.
She didn't phone me but I did see her once again on the common. She was wearing make up this time and she looked quite pretty and cute. She said that it had been her birthday but she hadn't got many presents. She told me she'd had a sarcastic note from her mother. Ever since I first met K. she has talked about her birthday. It seems very important to her. She mentioned her 'friend' again and said that the real reason she had got rid of him was because he had tried to set up a gang-bang on the internet.
I asked her where she was living now and if she was thinking about rehab. I asked her how much money she spent each day on crack. She was reluctant to tell me but then said it was over a hundred pounds a day. I mentioned another girl called N. who I had been seeing. She said "She's another one who gets into debt with black men".
This was a couple of years ago and I haven't seen her or heard from her since. I know that people will say that crack addicts are only concerned about crack and the money to buy it, and that I was foolish for me to have anything to do with this type of girl. You may say that the only time that they seem to have feelings in when they pretend to, just to get what they want. I'm not so sure. I have reason to believe that recently she fell in love with a man but that he rejected her. I have seen lots of women on the common and one or two seemed really evil, but I just don't feel that with her.
I don't regret my association with K, even though she has stolen from me and told lies to me. I have had an insight into a world that no one who isn't an addict can imagine.
I'm not stupid. I would never let a crack addict stay in my flat, even for one night. I would never lend one money. I have never thought that I could 'save' K. I have always thought that she would die a crack addict. She is also on her way to being an alcoholic, if she is not one already. It is only recently that I have seen that some people can come off crack.
I think she frequents the Brixton Hill/New Park Road area in the early hours of the morning and gets into men's cars.
In my next blog posting I can tell you about other girls that I have met on the common.
When I saw K. I was shocked by her appearance. She was wearing a lot of makeup and she had got some of it in her hair. She looked really strange. I knew that I didn't want to have sex with her, but I wanted to talk to her. I said I wanted to photograph her. We went to the cashpoint and she tried to snatch the money out of my hands. I didn't let her and she became frustrated and upset. I remembered watching a documentary on TV about a crack addict in Liverpool who became upset when she was frustrated, in the same way, like a child having a temper tantrum.
She asked me to give her some money to pay her driver. She went to talk to a man parked up in a blue van. I don't know what he said to her, but she looked at him with a look of such intense hatred that I have never seen on the face of anyone before or since. When she came back to me she pointed out some recycling bins and said that she would be going through them after she had been with me to find things to wear.
We went into the supermarket to buy booze, some food and a film for my camera. People were giving her funny looks because she looked really weird. She looked a bit like an old woman and a bit like a bag lady. I felt really out of my depth. She wanted me to hand over the money but I wouldn't in case she walked off with it. She kept telling me I should trust her and in the end I thought it would be OK as long as I kept an eye on her. When I was looking for a film she said "I'll go and get some champagne". I didn't want to let her out of my sight but if I had said something she would have got upset again.
I think this is something these girls learn how to do. Few men are stupid enough to hand over money before they get to the flat. If a girl makes a lot of fuss then the man may think it would be OK as long as he doesn't let her out of his sight. Then she'll say she just has to buy some condoms or something and he has to decide if he wants to stop her going off. If he does she will say "I thought we'd been through this, don't you trust me by now?".
There were a couple of reasons why I didn't think she would walk off with my money. I knew where she lived, or as good as. She could have had the money without stealing from me, all she had to do was to let me photograph her. But she was on a crack binge and she wanted money now. She didn't care about the future.
I had the mobile number she had used to contact me. I tried to contact her without success. I left a voicemail message for her driver. I didn't know if he was a drug dealer, pimp or boyfriend but I wanted someone to blame for the condition she was in. I said that I was going to track him down and kill him. I didn't really want to kill him just to scare him. I would have smashed his van up though.
I didn't like the idea of her drinking champagne with him when she should have been with me. Especially if they were laughing at me. I knew that she had bought some champagne because I saw her at the checkouts with some. When she saw me she said "Can you get some alcopops for me?".
I didn't expect to hear from her again, but later that evening she phoned me. I had calmed down so I said I forgave her. She said she would come round later. I was really surprised that she said that. I said "I think we'd better just leave it". I didn't want to add to her problems because I could see she had enough problems of her own.
I thought that was the end of the matter. However, the next day I turned on my mobile phone and there were 2 abusive and disrespectful voicemail messages from her and a text message that I thought at the time was from him. This made me really angry. I had considered that when she had said she wanted to come to my flat the previous evening she really had wanted to know where I lived so they could smash my windows or something. Now I was convinced this was true.
It didn't take me long to find out where she lived. I went on the internet and found the site of a hostel in Clapham. I phoned the number and asked to speak to K. A helpful man said that she wasn't there at the moment but he could give her a message from me. I then typed out a threatening letter to her. I didn't expect to get the money back, I just wanted to teach her some respect. I wouldn't have hurt her.
I didn't think she would be frightened by my letter, but I did think she would be irritated. I didn't expect to get a reply. She left a couple of messages on my voicemail saying she wanted to talk to me. Then a message from a man who I think was her therapist who was concerned about her. I wrote her another letter saying I forgave her and that I wouldn't try to contact her again.
One day I turned on my mobile and there was a voicemail message for me. I could hear this sad music and after a while I heard her voice mumbling something incoherent and then she hung up. It wasn't abusive. She sounded as if she was drunk.
Several weeks later I sent her another letter. I said I would like to buy her video from her. She phoned me and said that she had got rid of her 'friend', the van driver, because he had said he would look after her but had become a bully. I went to Clapham to meet her. She told me he delivered newspapers for a living. I could have asked her for his name and address or other details and then done something nasty to him. But I didn't hate him that much by this time.
She apologised for being difficult with me and said that her 'friend' had given her a book about child abuse that had upset her. She also said that he had not wanted her to see me because he had wanted to stop anything good happening to her. I asked her if she took heroin as well as crack cocaine and she said no, although a lot of the girls do.
She wanted to know why I had become angry with her after I had forgiven her for stealing from me. I didn't tell her about the abusive and disrespectful voicemail messages. She had no memory of them. I told her about the text message. She wanted to read it. Now I think it could have been her who sent it.
I asked K. to come to my flat. She said she would, and asked me to get some 'K' cider for her. She didn't come though, and I didn't see her again for a couple of years.
I saw her again on Tooting Bec Common. She wasn't wearing any make up and didn't look pretty. She was also very thin, almost skeletal. I didn't want to have sex with her but I wanted to talk to her and I gave her a tenner. I put the other 2 tenners I had back into my shirt pocket. To my surprise she snatched the money out of the pocket. I grabbed her arm and she warned me to let go of her of it. I let go of her and she started trying to have sex with me. I said I didn't want that.
I told her that if she needed someone reliable to talk to about her feelings and things that had happened to her then she could always talk to me. I gave her my mobile number.
She didn't phone me but I did see her once again on the common. She was wearing make up this time and she looked quite pretty and cute. She said that it had been her birthday but she hadn't got many presents. She told me she'd had a sarcastic note from her mother. Ever since I first met K. she has talked about her birthday. It seems very important to her. She mentioned her 'friend' again and said that the real reason she had got rid of him was because he had tried to set up a gang-bang on the internet.
I asked her where she was living now and if she was thinking about rehab. I asked her how much money she spent each day on crack. She was reluctant to tell me but then said it was over a hundred pounds a day. I mentioned another girl called N. who I had been seeing. She said "She's another one who gets into debt with black men".
This was a couple of years ago and I haven't seen her or heard from her since. I know that people will say that crack addicts are only concerned about crack and the money to buy it, and that I was foolish for me to have anything to do with this type of girl. You may say that the only time that they seem to have feelings in when they pretend to, just to get what they want. I'm not so sure. I have reason to believe that recently she fell in love with a man but that he rejected her. I have seen lots of women on the common and one or two seemed really evil, but I just don't feel that with her.
I don't regret my association with K, even though she has stolen from me and told lies to me. I have had an insight into a world that no one who isn't an addict can imagine.
I'm not stupid. I would never let a crack addict stay in my flat, even for one night. I would never lend one money. I have never thought that I could 'save' K. I have always thought that she would die a crack addict. She is also on her way to being an alcoholic, if she is not one already. It is only recently that I have seen that some people can come off crack.
I think she frequents the Brixton Hill/New Park Road area in the early hours of the morning and gets into men's cars.
In my next blog posting I can tell you about other girls that I have met on the common.
Friday, October 5, 2007
Friday, September 28, 2007
Secret Diary of a Street Girl
'Secret Diary of a Street Girl'
by 'Bête de Nuit'
You may seen on ITV2 last night 'Secret Diary of a Call Girl' starring Billie Piper as a high-class escort. This programme showed prostitution at its least offensive and problematic. Many people will have a problem with this kind of programme as they think it might glamourize prostitution, and not show its darker side.
The object of this blog is to show this darker side.
I am a middle-aged man living in South London in a council block of flats. Before I moved into my present home about seven years ago I had no contact with street girls or drug addicts or homeless people. Now I have got to know some of them and they are different from what I expected. If you would like to learn what I have found out, then read on.
I will not give the names of the girls but use their initial.
First of all I would like to tell you about a girl called D. The first time I met D. I was in my flat one Sunday morning and I got a knock on the door. I opened the door and saw a short scruffy girl. She said "Do you want business?". I wasn't entirely sure what she meant, but I knew that I didn't want it. She said "Go on, I'll give you a really good blowjob for twenty quid". I said no again and she said "All right, ten quid then". I said no again.
She asked me to let her out of the building because she was in the communal garden area and had to get through a security door to get back out onto the street. My intercom wasn't working so I had to get my keys and go with her to the door. I asked her why she was doing this and she said she needed the train fare to get back to Margate. I was standing at the door and she said she would do it for three quid. I stood at that door a while before I made the decision that I could say changed my life.
Over the next few months I had D. in my flat numerous times. I would give her ten pounds and she would give me a blowjob without a condom. Once we were naked and she tried to put my cock in her pussy without a condom. I stopped her and told her I did not want that.
I pieced together bits of information that helped me understand what she was up to. She used to be with her drug dealer outside my block of flats but not have the money to pay him and he was unwilling to give her more till she cleared her debt. She would then knock on the doors of every flat in my block of flats offering herself to any man. She would give them blowjobs for a tenner or maybe less and she wouldn't care if they had washed recently. She would climb over security gates to get to the flats.
D. would knock on my window in the early hours of the morning anytime she needed crack. I had to stop her coming to my flat after a while. First of all because I didn't actually fancy her, although she does look a bit like Kate Moss. Secondly, I wasn't happy about the drug dealer/pimp/boyfriend waiting outside my flat (these 3 groups of men blur into one on the streets). I can't imagine the amount of money that has gone through this small girls hands over the years. It must be tens of thousands of pounds.
She wouldn't accept my decision. She would knock on my door and try to force her way in. I had tried saying to her that she could come in just for a cup of tea and nothing else but she would try and get my cock out and start sucking it. I had to pick her up and carry her out of the door.
I did say to her once "Do you know any other girls who do what you do?". She said she had a friend called M. She said "She's very young, but she knows what to do". I asked her to get M. to come to my flat but she never did.
Eventually D. got the message. One time when she asked me why I didn't want to have sex with her I said "I don't take advantage of vulnerable young women any more". Another time she got into my flat and said there was a man after her, threatening her. I didn't believe her and thought it just a ruse to stay in my flat. She was muttering "It's all my own fault, it's all my own fault". I picked her up and carried her out. I did feel guilty when I looked out of my window and saw her running across the street and banging on the door of a B&B on the other side of the road.
Some time after she stopped coming to my flat she came up to me in the street. She asked me for a couple of quid. I said I wasn't going to give her any money but that I was just going to a café and I would buy her a cup of tea. When we got there I asked her if she wanted anything to eat. She told me a bit about her life. She has a son, who lives with her mother.
She had already told me that she had suffered from post natal depression. Someone gave her LSD and that was where her problems really started. She has never recovered her mental health since that time.
She had lived in my block of flats years before. I asked another resident about her. He said she was evil. She had set fire to her flat, and she had also flooded the flat below. Even a drug dealer in my block of flats did not allow her in his flat because 'she is not a nice person'.
I used to see her sometimes outside the council offices trying to get somewhere to sleep for the night. One day I saw her and I hardly recognized her. She said she was off drugs and I could instantly see that it was true. I found her beautiful, for the first time. She said that she was very depressed. What touched me was that when I told her that I was working in a personnel department she asked if I knew if there were any cleaning jobs she could do. I asked her about her son, and she seemed to appreciate my interest.
But it didn't last. As far as I know she's back on it.
I could tell you about another couple of prostitutes/addicts/homeless girls associated with my block of flats. I could tell you about T. who was taken in by a sympathetic resident but then she took over his flat, telling him it was her flat now and not letting him back in. I used to watch her out of my kitchen window. She would lie on the grass in the communal garden area playing loud music. Once, when she turned over I could see she had no knickers on. I never dared go with her even though she was attractive because I was scared of the violent men in her life. We had to evict her in the end, but she came back the next day and got an addict resident to kick the door in for her. So they had to evict her a second time. They put up metal shutters on the windows to stop her getting back in. There was a rumour she had been taken into a psychiatric institution where she had a baby.
Or I could tell you about a girl whose name I never found out. I used to watch her outside my bedroom window on the street with her boyfriend. They would wait to be let in to the drug dealer's flat. He didn't want to let too many addicts in at one time. I watched over the weeks as her appearance changed. She had been a very pretty girl.
They get thinner and thinner, often skeletal. Sometimes for a short time they actually get more beautiful and take on an etherial beauty. But what always shocks me is that their faces eventually take on a demonic appearance. Sometimes I see her in the street usually with her boyfriend.
But this blog is about the darkest side of prostitution, so I think it is time for me to tell you about K., a girl I met on Tooting Bec Common, the girl who had the most impact on me. But that will have to wait for the next posting to this blog.
by 'Bête de Nuit'
You may seen on ITV2 last night 'Secret Diary of a Call Girl' starring Billie Piper as a high-class escort. This programme showed prostitution at its least offensive and problematic. Many people will have a problem with this kind of programme as they think it might glamourize prostitution, and not show its darker side.
The object of this blog is to show this darker side.
I am a middle-aged man living in South London in a council block of flats. Before I moved into my present home about seven years ago I had no contact with street girls or drug addicts or homeless people. Now I have got to know some of them and they are different from what I expected. If you would like to learn what I have found out, then read on.
I will not give the names of the girls but use their initial.
First of all I would like to tell you about a girl called D. The first time I met D. I was in my flat one Sunday morning and I got a knock on the door. I opened the door and saw a short scruffy girl. She said "Do you want business?". I wasn't entirely sure what she meant, but I knew that I didn't want it. She said "Go on, I'll give you a really good blowjob for twenty quid". I said no again and she said "All right, ten quid then". I said no again.
She asked me to let her out of the building because she was in the communal garden area and had to get through a security door to get back out onto the street. My intercom wasn't working so I had to get my keys and go with her to the door. I asked her why she was doing this and she said she needed the train fare to get back to Margate. I was standing at the door and she said she would do it for three quid. I stood at that door a while before I made the decision that I could say changed my life.
Over the next few months I had D. in my flat numerous times. I would give her ten pounds and she would give me a blowjob without a condom. Once we were naked and she tried to put my cock in her pussy without a condom. I stopped her and told her I did not want that.
I pieced together bits of information that helped me understand what she was up to. She used to be with her drug dealer outside my block of flats but not have the money to pay him and he was unwilling to give her more till she cleared her debt. She would then knock on the doors of every flat in my block of flats offering herself to any man. She would give them blowjobs for a tenner or maybe less and she wouldn't care if they had washed recently. She would climb over security gates to get to the flats.
D. would knock on my window in the early hours of the morning anytime she needed crack. I had to stop her coming to my flat after a while. First of all because I didn't actually fancy her, although she does look a bit like Kate Moss. Secondly, I wasn't happy about the drug dealer/pimp/boyfriend waiting outside my flat (these 3 groups of men blur into one on the streets). I can't imagine the amount of money that has gone through this small girls hands over the years. It must be tens of thousands of pounds.
She wouldn't accept my decision. She would knock on my door and try to force her way in. I had tried saying to her that she could come in just for a cup of tea and nothing else but she would try and get my cock out and start sucking it. I had to pick her up and carry her out of the door.
I did say to her once "Do you know any other girls who do what you do?". She said she had a friend called M. She said "She's very young, but she knows what to do". I asked her to get M. to come to my flat but she never did.
Eventually D. got the message. One time when she asked me why I didn't want to have sex with her I said "I don't take advantage of vulnerable young women any more". Another time she got into my flat and said there was a man after her, threatening her. I didn't believe her and thought it just a ruse to stay in my flat. She was muttering "It's all my own fault, it's all my own fault". I picked her up and carried her out. I did feel guilty when I looked out of my window and saw her running across the street and banging on the door of a B&B on the other side of the road.
Some time after she stopped coming to my flat she came up to me in the street. She asked me for a couple of quid. I said I wasn't going to give her any money but that I was just going to a café and I would buy her a cup of tea. When we got there I asked her if she wanted anything to eat. She told me a bit about her life. She has a son, who lives with her mother.
She had already told me that she had suffered from post natal depression. Someone gave her LSD and that was where her problems really started. She has never recovered her mental health since that time.
She had lived in my block of flats years before. I asked another resident about her. He said she was evil. She had set fire to her flat, and she had also flooded the flat below. Even a drug dealer in my block of flats did not allow her in his flat because 'she is not a nice person'.
I used to see her sometimes outside the council offices trying to get somewhere to sleep for the night. One day I saw her and I hardly recognized her. She said she was off drugs and I could instantly see that it was true. I found her beautiful, for the first time. She said that she was very depressed. What touched me was that when I told her that I was working in a personnel department she asked if I knew if there were any cleaning jobs she could do. I asked her about her son, and she seemed to appreciate my interest.
But it didn't last. As far as I know she's back on it.
I could tell you about another couple of prostitutes/addicts/homeless girls associated with my block of flats. I could tell you about T. who was taken in by a sympathetic resident but then she took over his flat, telling him it was her flat now and not letting him back in. I used to watch her out of my kitchen window. She would lie on the grass in the communal garden area playing loud music. Once, when she turned over I could see she had no knickers on. I never dared go with her even though she was attractive because I was scared of the violent men in her life. We had to evict her in the end, but she came back the next day and got an addict resident to kick the door in for her. So they had to evict her a second time. They put up metal shutters on the windows to stop her getting back in. There was a rumour she had been taken into a psychiatric institution where she had a baby.
Or I could tell you about a girl whose name I never found out. I used to watch her outside my bedroom window on the street with her boyfriend. They would wait to be let in to the drug dealer's flat. He didn't want to let too many addicts in at one time. I watched over the weeks as her appearance changed. She had been a very pretty girl.
They get thinner and thinner, often skeletal. Sometimes for a short time they actually get more beautiful and take on an etherial beauty. But what always shocks me is that their faces eventually take on a demonic appearance. Sometimes I see her in the street usually with her boyfriend.
But this blog is about the darkest side of prostitution, so I think it is time for me to tell you about K., a girl I met on Tooting Bec Common, the girl who had the most impact on me. But that will have to wait for the next posting to this blog.
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