books about sex work

I have just finished reading a new book about sex work called Unashamed: A memoir by Elizabeth G. I'm not going to review it although I have reviewed other positive books about sex work, namely Paying For It by Scarlett O'Kelly and Lucky Girl by Violet Ivy. All three of these books were written by sex workers or ex-sex workers.

There is a new article on the Feminist Current site by Meghan Murphy. In this article she writes:-

"Despite my efforts over the last decade+ to explain my position, which was developed through study of various legislative models throughout the world as well as through interviewing and reading the work of countless experts on prostitution, including women who were once prostituted themselves, but had managed to exit the trade, freed to assess their situation clearly and speak the truth about the industry, the accusation remains the same."

It is commonly asserted by Radical Feminists that a women can't 'assess their situation clearly' while they are still in the sex industry. Once they have left then they are all against it. However, we can see clearly from the three books I have mentioned that this is not the truth. It is an attempt to silence sex workers.

I am not sure if these three books were written by sex workers or ex-sex workers. To my mind it doesn't matter. Dr Brooke Magnanti is an ex-sex worker though and she doesn't back the Radical Feminists. They would say that she is a 'tourist' and unrepresentative of the majority of 'prostituted' women. As I have written elsewhere, there are many different types of sex worker, and escorts are as representative as anyone is.

They might talk about 'luxury beliefs'. If you believe in the Nordic model you can accuse people who believe in decriminalisation of having luxury beliefs. Well, that's all going to depend on whether you think that the Nordic model reduces demand, reduces murder, stops women from being arrested and helps them to leave. Much of this blog is looking at the evidence for all of these things.

To my mind though whether somebody has luxury beliefs also depends on how willing people are to find out the facts. If you can't be bothered then don't accuse others of luxury beliefs. Don't pretend that your motivation is helping women. If you insist, for example, that 'the Nordic model has demonstrated that it is possible to curb demand' (see Murphy's article) despite having been told that the statistics you use are wrong, then you are the one holding luxury beliefs.

The Nordic model lobby aren't going to like Unashamed. They are not going to like Stacey Dooley's programme about Nevada prostitution. Just like they didn't like the similar programme about the Sheffield brothel. The Nevada sex workers seemed to be having a great time. They will say not all sex workers are like that. This is of course true, but the point is that it could be true of many more of them. It's our choice (or American or Nevada voters). What isn't our choice is to curb demand.

Many people think that prostitution is legal in Nevada. The fact is that individual counties within Nevada can choose to allow it. Wouldn't it be great if one county allowed a form of prostitution where the women themselves make the rules and take the profit? No mega brothels allowed, only something like the SOOBs they have in New Zealand.

review of Feminism by Deborah Cameron

This is an introduction to feminist theory and shows both sides of the debate. There is one chapter, Sex, that is of interest to me. She confirms that many of the earliest feminists had negative attitudes towards sexual desire.

“Historians of the first wave generally agree that feminist discussions of sex in the nineteenth and early twentieth centuries were dominated by the impulse to protect women from sexual danger and to reform ‘the beast in man’ (though there were some feminists who contested this, campaigning for women’s access to birth control, abortion, sex education and the freedom to have sex outside marriage).”

The second wave was more positive about sexuality. There were though feminist ‘sex wars’ in the 1980s.

Pornography is said to influence women to behave in ways that they don’t truly enjoy. For example, a woman posting anonymously on Twitter stated that male sexual partners had criticised her for refusing to participate in group sex.

This seems very odd to me. I have never participated in group sex, neither would I want to. I know that group sex is common in pornography but that hasn’t made me feel that it is common in reality. Very few people have done it or would want to do it. I would estimate that less than 1% of the population have tried it. So why would anyone get the idea that only a prude would not want to participate in it? It seems to me that she should have chosen her sexual partners more carefully, either choosing men who are more intelligent or less selfish.

Sex work and the Nordic model are discussed. According to Cameron there are two reasons why some people want the Nordic model. One reason is that ‘the existence of a market where men can buy sexual consent both reflects and reinforces the inequality between the sexes’.

This argument has never made much sense to me. For it to make sense you would have to show that sex is different from other pleasures in life. I haven’t seen a convincing argument for that. For many people it is different. If you have a fear and disgust of basic human sexuality you will feel that, especially if you have chosen celibacy. Most people don’t feel that way though. We all buy other people’s consent every day.

The other reason is that ‘sex should be an exchange based on mutual desire’. I don’t believe that’s the real reason. I rarely hear that argument. It doesn’t make much sense anyway. If I go on a minibus trip to the Lake District I would enjoy it as would the other passengers. The driver might not. As long as he or she is not exploited and has chosen this way of making money I am happy with that.

If I pay for sex, I will enjoy the sex and she will enjoy the money. As long as we both get what we want then we will both be happy.

The more usual stated reason for wanting the Nordic model is that the welfare of women will be improved. We all want the welfare of women to be improved but only some of us are willing to look at the facts of the matter. Does the Nordic model decrease demand? Do women continue to be arrested? Are they helped to leave if they choose? It’s not so difficult to find the facts if you really want them and you are not gullible.

The real reason why some people want the Nordic model is because they hate men like me. I am the type of man that some women think they have a right to hate. They think that the Nordic model will make life more difficult for men like me, and they don’t care how many women are harmed in the process.

They can’t even get that right. Any sane sober man can avoid detection in Nordic model countries. They will only ever get a fine anyway, unlike the young women who are sent to prison for ‘brothel-keeping’. Not all punters are the same. Some are happy to negotiate with a pimp. Others, like me, prefer to negotiate with the sex worker herself. A woman should not be told ‘If you work here you have to do oral sex without a condom’. She should be able to decide for herself, and I have always been happy to comply with her choices.

Cameron states that the Nordic model decriminalises women. It doesn’t. She writes that it is intended to decrease demand. It doesn’t. Neither is much money spent to help women exit.

We should all agree that sex workers should not be arrested and resources should be allocated to help women and men to exit if they so choose. So why can’t we just do that? Evangelicals like Jim Wells, nuns like the ones who founded Ruhama and Radical Feminists like Julie Bindel would never agree. They would say that we can’t have these unless we also criminalise men who pay for sex. Not only does that not make sense, they are insincere. They don’t care about the women.

Cameron states the advantages of decriminalisation.

“They could set up small businesses or co-operatives with other women, instead of depending on the pimps and organised criminals who are powerful players in the illegal trade.”

On the other side of the argument, women risk being assaulted or killed. No sex workers have been killed in Soho since the 1940s, they are never alone in the flat with a customer.

Germany is not a good place for sex workers, the Netherlands is OK, and things are good in New Zealand. Sex workers can be arrested in Germany and the Netherlands but not in New Zealand. In New Zealand workers reap the financial rewards, not ‘wealthy investors and entrepreneurs’.

The last part of this chapter is all to do with heterosexual sex being ‘inherently problematic’ even when it has nothing to do with prostitution. Some feminists choose celibacy. They don’t think women should be having sex with men. So obviously they think women shouldn’t be having sex with me, whether I pay them or not.

Other feminists choose lesbianism. I was aware of the views of Catharine A MacKinnon and Andrea Dworkin. Also more recent authors such as Sheila Jeffreys and Julie Bindel. Deborah Cameron mentions two other authors who espoused lesbianism, Monique Wittig and Adrienne Rich.

my trip to London

A couple of years ago I had a day trip to London. I wrote about that. On Monday I went to London again only this time I had booked a hotel. So I had three days and two nights in London. I saw a few women in Soho and I will tell you about five of them.

Tamara of 52 Greek Street

I had done my research and I knew that Tamara seems to be the most popular girl in Soho at the moment. Obviously I wanted to see her. She is Indian and I found her incredibly attractive. She told me she is twenty five years old. She is superfriendly and it was one of my best experiences. She has dark skin and black hair. Medium height. I had taken a viagra and was able to shag her. I didn't manage to orgasm but then I wasn't expecting to. I had only paid £30 which is the minimum and gets you only ten minutes.

Sabrina of 8 Greek Street

Sabrina is completely different from Tamara. A lot older for a start and bigger. I've had a fascination with Sabrina for years. There's something very earthy about Sabrina. Many years ago I was in the room below hers and I heard her bedsprings going. Someone was giving her a good seeing to. I wanted to do that too. So on Monday I did. I used to think that Sabrina was plain. In the room though I realised she is attractive. She is friendly too.

Sonia of 4 Lisle Street

I've had photos of Sonia for years and I thought she's very nice looking. I sat with the maid for a while then this beautiful young woman walked in. It took me a while because she looks older in the photos then I said to her "I've seen your photo. On the internet". She was surprised and wanted to know where. Her maid said other men have said they've seen photos of her.

Her face reminds me of Kelly Brook and maybe Lucy Montgomery. She's that pretty, with bright eyes. There was something about her that put me off though. Unlike with Tamara and Sabrina I found it difficult to get an erection. Someone on the internet said that if she likes you, you will have a nice time with her. If she doesn't like you, you won't.

Sonia

my own photo - you can see it is the same room by the mirror tiles

Adele of Greens Court

I saw an ordinary Romanian girl called Adele. She's pretty enough and friendly. Not only was I able to get an erection and shag her but I ejaculated too. So ended my first day in London.

The next day I tried to see Tamara again. I went back to the walk down several times but each time there were two men waiting for her. The last time there was a man on the stairs too. The maid came up the stairs and said that the same man keeps rebooking her. I said can I come back 11 am tomorrow. She said it won't be Tamara then, it will be Adele. I asked if this is the Romanian girl and she said yes.

When I went back to Greek Street the next morning I could see Sabrina and another woman sitting outside the cafe opposite number 8. It got past 11 am but the door to 52 remained closed.

Carole of 8 Greek Street

She was a big plain Brazilian woman. About 40. Just what I needed though and within the ten minutes I ejaculated while on top of her. When I left it was just before midday but the door of number 52 was still closed.

doorbells at 8 Greek Street

statistics from Sweden

I have found more statistics that show that the Nordic model in Sweden is failing. I have put all the relevant information from surveys in Sweden on this page. I hadn't realised that there was a survey in 2017. I knew about the surveys in 1996, 2008, 2011 and 2014.

In 1999 Sweden introduced a law (the 'Nordic model') that criminalises men who pay for sex. We have statistics from before and after the law about the proportion of Swedish men who pay and the proportion of Swedish women who are paid for sex. There were many more women who stated in the 2017 survey that they had been paid for sex than in any of the other surveys. In 2017 it was 1.5%. In 1996 it was 0.3%.

younger woman

Since my last post I have been back to Wales a few times and seen new women. I have seen Samantha at Dollys in Queensferry and Brooke and Jade at Temptations in Flint. Samantha is an old woman but nice. Brooke and Jade are younger and tried hard to make me happy.

Each of these I have seen once. I have told you about Naomi and Leila at Temptations and Candy at Dollys. I have seen these three several times throughout the summer and autumn. I liked them all. I also saw Nicole once at Temptations.

I don't think I will be going back to Wales though. Something happened to me recently. I phoned Rock Ferry Thai Massage and was told that they have two new young women working there. I wanted to see them, usually they have older women there.

I had a choice of two young women when I went there on Friday. The one I chose was called Soda, or something like that. In the room I asked her how old she is. She said twenty eight and asked me how old I thought she looked. I said eighteen. If she had told me she was eighteen I would have believed her.

Soda has a pretty face and a lovely figure with medium size breasts. Her hair is dark brown and she has a couple of small tattoos on her legs. She is of medium height.

I used to think that my ideal woman is about 40 and a bit plump. That was before I met Soda. I think she is every man's dream. She is my dream now too.

Some people will say that when a man visits a sex worker he has preconceptions about he will like. These preconceptions may come from pornography. He may select the sort of woman that he has seen in porn and want to perform particular acts.

That may be true of many men but not with me. There are many young women in porn of course but older women too. Slender women and also plumper. In the room with Soda any preconceptions I had were changed. I didn't think I would enjoy being with a younger woman but being with Soda changed that.

I enjoyed my half hour with Soda so much that I came back the next day and paid £100 for an hour with her. It had to be yesterday because she will be working in Blackpool next week. It will be at 23 Cookson Street.

My first time with Soda I had no problem getting an erection. She let me use one of my thin condoms and I came quite quickly. That is because I found her so attractive. After I came it didn't take long before I got an erection again. She told me that if I had stayed for an hour I could have come twice.

So yesterday I had sex with her again, had an orgasm, then got another erection soon after. I shagged her again but wasn't able to come a second time. That's not surprising - I have never had two orgasms within one hour, not even when I was young.

We did a wider range of things yesterday. She has two sex toys. One of them is a clitoral stimulator. The other seems to be like the lovense toy. It has something resembling a flower at one end and she held it against her pussy. She was really enjoying it and had an orgasm. Some of the time I had two fingers in her vagina.

I would call her an enthusiastic amateur. She told me she lives in the south of England but has come up north to work with her friend. She doesn't usually do anything except massage and she said she will return to that.

Yesterday she was tired and hungry. She said that she had been with her friend to a casino in Blackpool the night before. She told me it was good, she had won some money. I hope that things work out for her. I wish I had met someone like her when I was eighteen.

seen in window of new Thai massage place in Chester

sexy Wales

For a lot of the summer I was going to Wales every Tuesday. I went to a brothel in Flint called Temptations where I saw Naomi. She told me that her usual day is Tuesday. She's very nice so I thought that I can see other women that day but she'll be there if I want her.

I had seen her years before. Some Tuesdays she wasn't there and I saw Leila instead. In many ways I prefer Leila. Another one I saw is Nicole. Leila and Nicole are friends and they drive from Manchester or somewhere to work in this brothel in Wales.

I liked Nicole, but she's not very attractive. She looks like someone out of a Beryl Cook painting. She wanked herself to orgasm while I put two fingers in her vagina. Just like Marina in Amsterdam earlier this year. None of these women are young, with Nicole looking the oldest.

Naomi and Leila are very talkative. Naomi told me that young women aren't so attracted to working in a brothel. That is the reason brothels are dying out. I had a very interesting conversation with Leila about the woman who ran the Sandy's Superstars brothels in Manchester - Sandra Hankin. She said that Sandra was prosecuted because she didn't pay taxes on her earnings, although I'm not sure if it is possible for people like her to pay taxes in the normal way.

So it got me thinking that maybe there are fewer brothels now because young women don't want to work in brothels. It's not that the police have closed them down. Young women usually prefer to work from a flat and advertise online. I thought they do that because it is illegal for them to work together. They avoid the possibility of arrest.

There are advantages to women working together, either in a brothel or in a less formal arrangement. Safety, for example. Perhaps they feel safe enough working on their own. Although I think they often have someone else there in the flat with them.

I have also been going to another brothel in Wales, Dolly's in Queensferry. I saw Candy there. I thought that I might have seen her before. The next time I saw her I said were you Lucy at The Office in Ellesmere Port. She was amazed that I could remember her as it was years ago. Candy is very raunchy. She likes to snog and laughs a lot.

I had a little joke with her that I had first seen her years ago in the street near to a brothel in New Ferry. I wondered if she was a prostitute so I followed her back to the brothel. When I saw her going in then I knew she was one. Candy said she had worked at that brothel.

I have seen Candy six times this year, Naomi twice, Leila three times and Nicole once. What I like about both of these brothels is that they charge £50 pounds per half hour. Rock Ferry Thai Massage charges £60 per half hour. You can get it even cheaper if you pay for 20 minutes instead of half an hour. At Temptations I give £20 to the 'maid' and the rest to the woman. I usually pay her an extra £10 for oral sex without a condom.

There is a café in Flint called Temptations, I don't know if that ever causes confusion.

I often go to Chester and I have found that it is easy to get to Queensferry or Flint from there. The 11 bus is my favourite. I don't just use it to go to brothels. I have now walked between Flint and Greenfield Dock along the western side of the Dee estuary. If I see a beluga on the way that is an added bonus.

The phone number for Temptations is 07749231388 and for Dollys it is 01244831664.

feminism pornography and prostitution

People who have read this blog will know that I have a problem not with feminism itself but with a particular type of feminism: Radical Feminism or Revolutionary Feminism. I don't accept the beliefs of Catharine MacKinnon, Andrea Dworkin, Sheila Jeffreys and Julie Bindel. Especially when it comes to prostitution and pornography.

I was looking through the feminism section in a library and I came across two books by feminist authors that interested me greatly. They don't like MacKinnon and Dworkin either. The books are Feminism (A Very Short Introduction) by Margaret Walters and Difficult Women (A History of Feminism in 11 Fights) by Helen Lewis.

Before I quote from both books I want to point out that although MacKinnon and Dworkin don't seem to have changed their native America much, they are responsible for a big change in Sweden. According to Prohibiting sex purchasing and ending trafficking: the Swedish prostitution law by Max Waltman they are responsible for the law there that criminalises men like me.

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Feminism by Margaret Walters page 115

Unfortunately, this legitimate, urgently necessary insistence that rape is, indeed, a serious and violent crime, was distorted by some later feminists. For another American, Catherine MacKinnon, woman is always, indeed almost by definition, a victim. 'To be about to be raped is to be gender female in the process of going about life as usual', she insists.

You grow up with your father holding you down and covering your mouth so another man can make a horrible searing pain between your legs. When you are older, your husband ties you to a bed and drips hot wax on your nipples and brings in other men to watch and makes you suck his penis ... In this thousand years of silence, the camera is invented and pictures are made of you while these things are being done ...

Her friend Andrea Dworkin argued that 'pornography is the law for women', and flatly, without any qualification, equated rape and sexual intercourse. As, indeed, did MacKinnon, who from the opening paragraph of Only Words (1995) offers a terrible paradigm of what she sees as female experience: a primal paternal rape that freezes us in a state of permanent terror. She constantly evokes the image of a once-violated child who can never grow up, who, she insists, lives on in most women, even those who claim to enjoy consensual sex: 'the aggressor gets an erection; the victim screams and struggles and bleeds and blisters and becomes five years old'. This is melodrama masquerading as feminism.

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Difficult Women by Helen Lewis page 312

It is a mistake for 'gender critical' feminists, who question aspects of transgender ideology, to form alliances with right-wing Christian fundamentalists in the US who believe that changing your legal gender should not be permitted. A similar error was made by anti-porn feminists in the 1980s, whose efforts to point out the misogyny of the porn industry and its products were co-opted by religious conservatives into a broader reactionary agenda.* One shared goal does not cancel out such a fundamental divergence in world view.

*'In 1984 antiporn legislation devised by Andrea Dworkin and Catharine MacKinnon, defining pornography as a violation of women's civil rights, was introduced in the Indianapolis city council by an anti-ERA [equal rights amendment] activist, passed with the support of the right, and signed into law by the Republican mayor, William Hudnut,' reported the Atlantic in 1992.

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page 185

Like Pizzey, though, Bindel has found herself at odds with the rest of the feminist movement. She is on the unfashionable side of two of the most divisive and heated subjects in modern feminism: transgender issues and prostitution. She believes that the latter is violence against women, and that sex-buyers should be prosecuted. The current generation of student activists take a more liberal position, stressing individual choice and agency. They argue that decriminalising both sellers and buyers would make the transaction safer.